Who should pay on the first date?

This is an interesting debate because as women, we want to be treated equally, however we still want a man to be chivalrous. I must say I have never been on a first date where I paid for drinks/dinner. I always offer to help pay, but the guy has never let me. After a few dates I will pick up the tab. I think it is appropriate. I have had debates on this with some friends. My personal feeling is if you are really interested in a man and think it has potential, you should pay for dinner after a few dates to show the man that you are appreciative of all the other meals he has paid for. Plus, if you want this relationship to be equal then I think it’s only fair to share some of the financial costs as well. I always found the majority of the time the man will pay for things, and in my own experience the guy has been appreciative when I chip in as well.

Here is an interesting article by Olivia B. Waxman I found on Time.com, that shares insights on a survey conducted with men and women on this very topic:

Study: Men Want Women to Chip In on Dates, but Are Afraid to Ask

Online Dating Tips after Divorce

I came across this blog on HuffingtonPost.com that shares 17 tips from readers on dating online after a divorce. I have given many of the same tips, regardless if you have just recently divorced or not. It’s a good read……

Online Dating After Divorce: 16 Tips To Make It Less Stressful

Tips For Beginners

A good friend was in a very long relationship that ended about 3 years ago. She is finally starting to get out there and approach dating. She joined eharmony.com but hasn’t quite pulled the trigger yet. We were all out for her birthday recently and told her she just needs to go for it. She needs to get into the mindset that nothing is probably going to come out of the first few dates. We told her after all these years she needs to get a couple dates under her belt and not have high expectations. So here are a few of my tips and I hope she reads this!

1. Contact or respond to someone on dating sites that you have a pretty good interest level in
2. Don’t wait for the perfect profile – not going to happen
3. Chat through email a few times
4. If you feel like there is a connection and would like to see this turn into a date, give the guy your cell number (this is not listed and he cannot find where you live)
5. Have a separate private email that doesn’t include your last name if the guy wants to email off the dating site
6. Once you have given your phone number, he will probably text you first. That is fine, but make sure it progresses to an actual phone call soon after. If he just texts all the time forget it move on
7. If there is a connection you should have a fairly long call getting to know each other
8. Hopefully if the call is going well he asks to meet up. Plan a destination that is public and allows for an easy escape in case there is no spark and you are not interested. For example, go for coffee or meet for a drink. DO NOT plan dinner – then you are stuck. However, if you meet for something casual and it’s going well you can then move on to dinner
9. Safety ladies! Make sure a friend knows your plan and you check in so she knows you haven’t just met up with some serial killer!
10. Try and have fun

Online dating is very much a numbers game. You are going to date a lot of men who you won’t be interested in until you find Mr. Potential. It is what it is. My best advice is set expectations low and then hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised.

Advice for my friend: JUST GO FOR IT ALREADY! YOU ARE KILLING US!

Credit Check Please!

I came across an article on CNNMoney.com by Blake Ellis, Bad credit: A deal breaker for many singles, about men and women asking for credit scores when dating. Seriously? I would say that the majority of us want to be with a partner who is fiscally responsible, but I am surprised at the stats of this survey:

“21% bringing it up before committing to a relationship and 19% comparing scores before moving in together. A mere 1% discussed their scores on a first date”

Granted, people can seem like they are well off but really up to their eye balls in debt, but how do you possibly approach this early in the dating stage without completely offending your potential relationship? Me, personally, would feel this person is way too into material things and just looking for a sugar momma (or daddy). One would hope you could tell if there was an issue financially with your potential suitor. I know this is not always the case, but unless you decide this is the “one” and you are going to spend the rest of your lives together, not sure you can approach this subject directly so early on. Talk about ruining potential chemistry and all the romance out of a relationship! Just my opinion…. Talk about a new meaning to “can I have your digits?”

Enjoy the article: Bad Credit: A deal breaker for many singles

The Chiropractor

My good friend has the best intentions on trying to find a good man for me.  I really applaud her efforts.  The last guy (and I think she has given up now) she tried to connect me with was her chiropractor.  She thought we would get along well.  He had a video of himself on his site and I thought “not bad”, “good career”, “it doesn’t hurt to meet up”.  My friend gave him my phone number to call me.

The chiropractor called me one night.  We talked for almost an hour.  Great conversation.  We had a lot in common.  He was very easy to talk with.   At one point, my age comes up and we discover he is a year older than me.  SILENCE……..  I am not joking here.  He practically hung up on me.  That was it.  He was like nice talking to you and bye bye.   SERIOUSLY? How bad is that?????

You guessed it – never heard from him again.  I assume he wanted some young thing that would be a baby making machine.  Amazing huh? His loss!

 

The Yellow Cyclist

A guy reached out to me on Match.com and I was pleasantly surprised as he was attractive, fit and my age.   WOW!  That is a rarity.  It seemed we had quite a bit in common too.  We emailed back and forth a few times and exchanged phone numbers.  He called me and we had a great conversation.  Then he gave me his name to Facebook friend him as he said he was an open book with nothing to hide.  I debated friending him because I wasn’t sure I wanted him to be privy to my life….but I don’t put anything on Facebook that I wouldn’t be comfortable with the whole world seeing.  That is a good rule to follow! I decided to friend him because I figured this was a good way to see if his pictures were accurate and if there was any weirdness!

He was really into his bike and it was bright yellow.  He actually looked cool with it in pictures on his Facebook page.   So we chatted again the next day – he called me.  We talked for about an hour.  Again – a lot in common and the conversation flowed easily.   After we had been chatting, I made the move to get together and meet up for a drink.  It was a Saturday so I figured it would be a good opportunity to do so.  Well now this is stupid on my part to apply logic to situations.  He got all weird and said he thought he would be working late but he said going out later for a drink would probably work.

Now can you guess what happened next? YUP – nothing – totally got blown off.  Never heard from him again.  What???? I know this just shocks you.  He pursued me and talked to me for a couple hours.  He also Facebook friended me.  WTF?

So what is the point of the chase?  Or is that what he liked – the chasing.   If he wasn’t interested why did he waste so much of not only his time but mine.  Are you kidding me here?

PATHETIC!

 

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 5/22/13

Direct quote from my friend who continues to have bad first dates!!!!

“I’m not sure which was the worst part of yesterday’s Match.com date.  Was it that he described his “studio apartment” as a 10″ x 12″ room in a Victorian house? Or was it his 1993 rusted filthy Toyota with paint peeling that he bragged was “completely paid off”.  Or was it that he told me he liked to use whipped cream during sex, and that he at times had sent pics of his penis to women who wrote him on Match.com? Or was it that the place I picked for our meeting place he considered way too upscale and said he didn’t go to those types of places.  or was it….hmmmmm….GAH.  This is why I am still single.”

Seriously??? What are these men thinking?  And the frustrating part is they put on such a good act in emails and initial conversations so you are duped into thinking they are NORMAL!

ARE THERE ANY GOOD MEN LEFT?

 

 

Mr. Pees A lot

Since I have had a recent lack luster dating life, I thought I would continue to share some crazy tales of my friends dating adventures.  Plus it’s reassuring that I am not the only that seems to encounter these maladjusted men who have no business pursuing women!

My friend lives in Queens, NY and met a guy from Long Island.  He seemed to have a good career and be financially stable.  Leading up to their first date they texted and talked to each other a lot.  Their first date was meeting up for drinks (yeah, she is following my dating rules!).  They both were enjoying themselves at drinks, the touchy-feely flirting like they had knew each other for a long time – very comfortable.  They decided to continue with the date and had dinner. He also brought her a box of chocolates.  How sweet!   Dinner was great and they both seemed very much attracted to each other.  He even called to let her know he got home okay.

The next week was that blissful time when two people just meet and really like each other.  They were texting each other several times a day.  He was calling her and complimenting her continuously.  So they planned another outing for Sunday.  The plan was to go out to Wineries on Long Island, spend the day together and then go back to his place for a BBQ.  Very romantic……or so she thought.  Not so much….

After he picks her up, he realizes he has to pee so they stop at his house.  Apparently his house has some construction going on and it was a mess.  Just odd that you wouldn’t clean up if you are bringing a woman over.  Just saying……  The drive was going well but then he didn’t know how to use his GPS and they were passing wineries but he wasn’t stopping.  It was a long drive, so my friends was like “let’s stop at one of the places we just passed.”   He ends up getting lost and see an upcoming winery so they stop and have a glass and then he wants to take off right away.  So my friend is thinking okay – another winery.  Right?  That is the logical thing.  If you make the drive all the way out there you usually stop at a few  No, he wants to go back to his place.  But….he has to pee again so he stops on the side of the road to go.  Nice…..

He turns on the Knicks game in the car, my friend isn’t a big fan and they go to his house.  He cooks hot dogs and hamburgers. Yippee!!!   And his kitchen is under renovation so everything is a mess.  So romantic!  Then he turns on Golf.  So at this point my friend is like I’m tired and asked him to take her home.  On the way back she got downgraded from the Mercedes to the Hundayi.

After driving in silence for awhile, my friends asks if something happen or did she misunderstand?  He was said it was obvious they had no chemistry.  My friend is thinking where did this nice guy who got my chocolates and was flirting with me on my first date and texting and talking to all week go?  Is he bipolar?  This guy did a total 180.  He gave my friend all the right signals.

How are we suppose to figure these guys out?   And what’s with all the peeing?

Mr. Mixed Signals

I totally forgot about this guy.  Yeah I have had too many bad dates……   I met this guy on match.com.  He was my age, attractive, athletic, professional – my type all the way.   We emailed at first via match.com then progressed to texting and finally to actually talking on the phone.  What a concept!  Our conversation went very well and we decided to meet up that Sunday at a restaurant along a lake for coffee.  We confirmed that we would meet late morning at 11am.

I got to the restaurant a few minutes before hand and sat in the lobby waiting.  I kept waiting and waiting….. 10 minutes, 15, 20.   Finally after a ½ hour or so I call a friend and was like “holy crap – I just got stood up”.  She convinced me to take off.  Now looking back I probably should have texted but I was mortified at this point.   Around 2:00 I got a text from him saying he would be there in about 5 minutes.  I am like “what???”  So, I called him as said I was already there at 11.  He apologized profusely and was so sorry that he got the time wrong.  He asked  “can I make it up  – I will come near you” – he said that was the least he could do.   We originally were meeting halfway between our homes.  I figured I would give him the benefit of the doubt since men have poor listening skills. LOL  We met at a coffee shop and had a fabulous conversation.  Even the flirty, touchy feely brushes against the arm, etc.  I felt like we had a great connection.  I was meeting up with friends at 5:30 and I kept saying to him – are you sure you can stay.  He was like “I am in no rush”.  So we sat there for 3 hours.  As it was time to leave, he walked me to my car.  We hugged and I think he was going for a kiss but it ended up a peck on the cheek.  I hate those first awkward moments.   We talked about getting together again.

The next day, I sent him a quick text thanking him for coffee and that I enjoyed myself.  NOTHING, NADA, ZIP – no response at all.  Seriously?  Wow, he spends 3 hours with me and was doing the flirty thing and all.  I really misread those signals.   But I didn’t pursue because I didn’t want to be a stalker and clearly he was not interested.  I will say I was quite disappointed – I thought this had potential.  Interestingly enough – I saw him check out my profile about 6 months later.  Another one bites the dust!

First Date Lessons

So I was reminded of a guy I dated a few times about 4 years ago. We met through match.com.   Of course he didn’t look as young in person, but I gave it a shot for a few dates.  First date was the traditional meet at Starbucks to see if there is any interest or not.  Was a nice guy, successful, attractive.  Although he did talk about how he tends to always be friends with women he dates.   Alert! Alert! That is a sign.  Good conversations and we chatted a few times and texted. On our second date we had a casual dinner – it was fun.

Here is where it went wrong……on the third date.  I golf – or use to anyway.  He asked me to go to the driving range one night. Let me set the stage for you – it was sunny, about 90 degrees out and about 100% humidity.  Unfortunately I had broken out with acne.  I never get acne but when I do it’s bad and noticeable.  I got the one zit on my chin that looked like it was a tumor.   Then we started swinging clubs and I was doing pretty well.  Well in a matter of minutes I looked absolutely disgusting.  Between the sweat and the zit – I scared myself in the mirror.

So let’s just say….I am sure I completely grossed him out and didn’t really hear from this guy again.  And you know what – I don’t blame him!  Lesson here – you need to make sure you are dating awhile and the guy is really into you before you let him see you sweat! 🙂