Dating During The Holidays

So is it better to be alone at family gatherings during the holidays or bring a date? My experience tells me go alone! If your family is like most, it is stressful enough during the holidays and why drag an innocent and potential mate along. I think the rule of thumb is if you have been dating awhile and feel the relationship is going somewhere then it is okay to bring them along to meet the family. I find I don’t enjoy myself because I am worried my family will embarrass me and what they will think of my date. I know my family will be scrutinizing this guy and comparing him to other relationships in my life. Who needs that stress? Better yet, if the relationship doesn’t work out then at the next holiday gathering, the family is wondering what happened to your man. You can see the thoughts running through their heads….What happened to the last guy?” “Will she ever get married?” “Why can’t see stay in a relationship? The list goes on.

Every family is dysfunctional so why subject your new potential beau to the craziness? Keep this relationship under wraps for as long as you can until you think it may be long term! The best way to enjoy the holidays with your crazy family is alone!!!

Happy Holidays!

Why Do Men Do that? Wednesday 6/12/13

I am amazed!  This is such a well written article about how there are no real men left!  And it’s written by Paul Hudson – yes that’s right A MAN!!  Seems like a real one at that.

I think Paul has gotten it right and explains why so many of us single ladies are going through such crap with dating which has led to us pouring out our souls on blogs!  Enjoy ladies and those that are “real” men!

Why Men Aren’t Real Men Anymore, by Paul Hudson

WOW Dating is just rough!

 

Yes, this site is about men who behave badly when dating, but in all fairness women do have bad behavior as well.  I need to share one of my male friend’s story because it is just really sad.

My friend was seeing this women for about 10 months and broke it off in December of last years – not sure why.  They started dating again last few weeks and things seems to be going nicely.  I was going to paraphrase – but honestly his email to me is really the best way to hear his story:

“Things are going well I guess….I spent a few hours over her house on Sun night….after work yesterday we hung out and I spent the night. (I rarely ever stay over ANYONE’S house, just my thing) I’m not seeing her till Sun…(we both have things to do till then) I left something over there that I need before Sun. Sooo…..

I stopped over before I went for a walk. This guy answered the door with his shirt off and is looking at me like I just took a shit on the hood of his car!!!

As he is asking me “what the fuck do you want??” my “special lady friend” (don’t know what else to call her) is coming to the door with NO pants on!?!?!?!?! (I know this cuz I can see her thong!!!).

WTF!!!!  REALLY????

As I pick up my stuff I’d left…the poor guy is looking at her wondering who he’s fucking!! She followed me to my car….(still in the thong) and tells me this was my idea….!!!!!  REALLY!?!?!?!?!

Cuz I told her I’m going walking with a friend who happened to be female.

She must of thought we were going in thongs!!! Cuz she’s from Brazil and that happens all the time over there!!! WTF!!! :/”

How bad is that?  Better he knows now of her insecurities but I thought this story need to be heard.  DON’T DO THIS LADIES!

 

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 3/27/13

I was reminded of another guy who contacted me through match.com.  I was interested as we seemed to have a lot in common and he was very attractive.  After the initial contact we emailed a few times and he was very straight forward.  He told me he was an open book – no games, no secrets and gave me his name and told me to check him out on Facebook.  I thought to myself “Wow” – is he serious?  I checked out his Facebook page of course, and he seemed totally legit.   Lot’s of family and friends photos – recent updates with friends commenting.   I felt comfortable and gave him my phone number.

We proceeded to talk by phone.  Had a great conversation the first night – lots in common and he was easy to talk to.  I remember he even came right out with questions on how I handle specific situations in relationships – break ups, disagreements, etc.   It was interesting because we kind of broke all the rules by talking about topics you would not normally discuss when first getting to know someone.  But….I thought it was refreshing and enjoyed his candor.   We talked a couple more times and he actually Facebook friended me.  I was okay with it – I didn’t feel there were any security risks.

The weekend approached and I suggested we meet up and he was excited.  Then this is where it got weird.  He and his brothers owned their own business and he was going to be working late but wanted to get together.  So I left the ball in his court and told him to call me later that evening.  POOF – another one – disappeared.  WTF????

Seriously, why are you wasting my time?  He was the one who initiated contact and was seeking me out.  Why would he want to friend me on Facebook?  Makes no sense.  By the next day, I was just irritated and didn’t want to look desperate so I didn’t bother contacting him again.   He was the one who agreed to meet up and I don’t think it was polite or respectful to not contact me so I think my non response was appropriate.  Again – Why Do Men Do That?

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesday 3/13/13

A friend of mine emailed me the other night because she was communicating with a man from Plenty of Fish and it had progressed to the next stage.  She gave him her phone number and they began texting.  Then all of a sudden – POOF! Gone!  Sound familiar? – yes read my post “Mr. Dropped Off the Face of the Earth”.    My friend tried to find his profile again but it no longer existed.  Of course she thought “what did I do”? “Did he block me”?  NO NO NO!  So I assured her that she did not do anything wrong.  I think these men are married or something because it has happened to a number of women I know.  The worst part is you get excited this may be a potential prospect.  But instead, you are left bewildered by the experience and have wasted your time.

But….for those that are skeptical about online dating, I would say about 85% of the available profiles are legitimate.  Think about it though, at least with online dating when men behave badly you know right away he isn’t worth it.  Prior to online dating and the traditional way of finding a mate by being out somewhere – at bar – etc., you don’t have to figure out who is single and then weed through the pool.  Again – why do men do that?

Mr. Mixed Signals

I totally forgot about this guy.  Yeah I have had too many bad dates……   I met this guy on match.com.  He was my age, attractive, athletic, professional – my type all the way.   We emailed at first via match.com then progressed to texting and finally to actually talking on the phone.  What a concept!  Our conversation went very well and we decided to meet up that Sunday at a restaurant along a lake for coffee.  We confirmed that we would meet late morning at 11am.

I got to the restaurant a few minutes before hand and sat in the lobby waiting.  I kept waiting and waiting….. 10 minutes, 15, 20.   Finally after a ½ hour or so I call a friend and was like “holy crap – I just got stood up”.  She convinced me to take off.  Now looking back I probably should have texted but I was mortified at this point.   Around 2:00 I got a text from him saying he would be there in about 5 minutes.  I am like “what???”  So, I called him as said I was already there at 11.  He apologized profusely and was so sorry that he got the time wrong.  He asked  “can I make it up  – I will come near you” – he said that was the least he could do.   We originally were meeting halfway between our homes.  I figured I would give him the benefit of the doubt since men have poor listening skills. LOL  We met at a coffee shop and had a fabulous conversation.  Even the flirty, touchy feely brushes against the arm, etc.  I felt like we had a great connection.  I was meeting up with friends at 5:30 and I kept saying to him – are you sure you can stay.  He was like “I am in no rush”.  So we sat there for 3 hours.  As it was time to leave, he walked me to my car.  We hugged and I think he was going for a kiss but it ended up a peck on the cheek.  I hate those first awkward moments.   We talked about getting together again.

The next day, I sent him a quick text thanking him for coffee and that I enjoyed myself.  NOTHING, NADA, ZIP – no response at all.  Seriously?  Wow, he spends 3 hours with me and was doing the flirty thing and all.  I really misread those signals.   But I didn’t pursue because I didn’t want to be a stalker and clearly he was not interested.  I will say I was quite disappointed – I thought this had potential.  Interestingly enough – I saw him check out my profile about 6 months later.  Another one bites the dust!

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 2/20/13

A friend recently went on a date and it reminded me of the stupid things men do. Two things:

1) All they do is talk about themselves and don’t ask you any questions. And then quite the opposite:

2) You ask questions to get to know them and they don’t offer up any information

I guess in all fairness women can do the same, but let’s focus on men. The Bigot was like that. He talked quite a bit of himself and was totally arrogant and anti everything I believed in. So in a way this was a good thing because I didn’t waste my time with another date!

Now let’s talk about the guy who doesn’t know how to speak. This is almost worse because the date drags. And when you are in your 40’s, if a man is that shy to talk forget it. Move on. Never going to work. Or, he is just BORING!

Add this to the list of rules – don’t bother dating a man who has either of these traits!

First Date Lessons

So I was reminded of a guy I dated a few times about 4 years ago. We met through match.com.   Of course he didn’t look as young in person, but I gave it a shot for a few dates.  First date was the traditional meet at Starbucks to see if there is any interest or not.  Was a nice guy, successful, attractive.  Although he did talk about how he tends to always be friends with women he dates.   Alert! Alert! That is a sign.  Good conversations and we chatted a few times and texted. On our second date we had a casual dinner – it was fun.

Here is where it went wrong……on the third date.  I golf – or use to anyway.  He asked me to go to the driving range one night. Let me set the stage for you – it was sunny, about 90 degrees out and about 100% humidity.  Unfortunately I had broken out with acne.  I never get acne but when I do it’s bad and noticeable.  I got the one zit on my chin that looked like it was a tumor.   Then we started swinging clubs and I was doing pretty well.  Well in a matter of minutes I looked absolutely disgusting.  Between the sweat and the zit – I scared myself in the mirror.

So let’s just say….I am sure I completely grossed him out and didn’t really hear from this guy again.  And you know what – I don’t blame him!  Lesson here – you need to make sure you are dating awhile and the guy is really into you before you let him see you sweat! 🙂

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 2/6/13

When is it considered stalking?  A number of us women who are  dating and have profiles on online sites understand that you cannot reply to a man if you are not interested.  We all made the rookie mistake of replying to someone who has sent you an email just to be polite.  Even though you reply and say thanks for your interest but I am not interested  – MEN DO NOT GET IT!    It’s like they don’t even read what you wrote.  They just see that you reply so think you must be in love with them.   The rule is you just have to ignore them and not respond. And in truth they do the same to us.  Men don’t respond to my emails if they are not interested.  But what I don’t understand is, don’t they realize you can see who has viewed your profile?   When I see the same men continue to view my profile – do I find that flattering or creepy?  And, if we already dated but it didn’t work out, isn’t that kind of weird?

What is worse yet…..when you have to block someone.  I had a guy find me on two dating sites and he didn’t get that I was just not interested.  I had to block him.  If I seek out a man via email on a dating site and he doesn’t respond – guess what I GET IT!!!! I do not continue to harass – clearly he is not interesting in me and that is just fine.

I have to quote what a friend just emailed me “there is this one weirdo who wrote me so often and I kept not responding and I finally BLOCKED him. So he made a new profile and wrote me again, and said, “I started a new profile so you can block me again!” OMG!”

Is that not insane??  I told her she should report him to the site.  Now all of you who are reading this and thinking “I am never going to online date” – this is actually a good thing.  Think about it – by all these men acting like weirdoes – you know not to seek them out. If you met these men randomly out – pre-online dating – you would have no idea these men were freaks.  So it’s not such a bad thing.

But seriously….why do men do that?

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 1/16/13

Yes, we are all doing it – texting that is.  After you correspond back and forth a few times via the online dating sites, you are ready for the next step of physically talking on the phone to get to know each other better and then eventually meet up.  This seems like logical next steps right?  I don’t think my expectations are wrong here.   I am a bit old fashioned in that I like the man to call first.  I generally give my cell phone number when the time is right.   I cannot tell you how many times giving my phone number turns into a texting game.  Hello – weren’t we already doing this in email on the dating sites?   Seriously!   A few men actually sent a quick text asking if it was okay to call me later that night.  Perfectly acceptable and now I have his phone number so I will recognize the number when he calls.  However, the majority of the time it’s the texting game.  I don’t get it???  

Tip for you here men – if you want to go on a date you have to actually speak at some point.   And of course this makes me think that if they can’t call to chat for a bit then there is little hope that we would have good conversation when we meet.

I really think this is why so many relationships do not work out.  The art of conversation has been lost!