Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 10/23/13

I have a friend, good guy, 43, and on the dating scene. He told me about this woman he went out with a few times but he is not into her and doesn’t know how to break off. Seriously?? Really? Love the guy, but you are 43 – just be honest and tell her you aren’t feeling a connection. At this stage in a relationship, if you have only been on a few dates, no one has made a huge investment. Yes, one person may be more disappointed than the other, but we are all adults here. Don’t play games! Don’t keep the woman wondering when you just stop calling. We need closure!!!! It’s that simple. Just tell us you don’t feel that “spark” or whatever it is. The worst thing a man can do is leave us hanging! Then we wonder what we did wrong. We get if you don’t feel the spark – happens to us as well. But just give us closure!!!!

I hope he followed my advice and did the right thing. And called her – no texting either. That is lame.

Geez – why do men do that?

Why Do Men Do that? Wednesday 6/12/13

I am amazed!  This is such a well written article about how there are no real men left!  And it’s written by Paul Hudson – yes that’s right A MAN!!  Seems like a real one at that.

I think Paul has gotten it right and explains why so many of us single ladies are going through such crap with dating which has led to us pouring out our souls on blogs!  Enjoy ladies and those that are “real” men!

Why Men Aren’t Real Men Anymore, by Paul Hudson

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 5/8/13

A friend of mine was at a major PGA golf tournement.  Loaded with men of course!  One would think this would be the perfect opportunity to meet a man right?   My friend is attractive and had plenty of men flirting with her over the course of the tournament.  One guy in particular was following her around and kept talking to her yet never made the next move.  My friend kept making comments where she liked to golf in the area, where she hung out – NOTHING!!!  She could not get this guy to offer up any information. 

This guy was also with a couple buddies and my friend was looking at them like “does this guy get it?”  Apparently his friends were also acknowledging that he didn’t have a clue.  So, this guy never asked my friend out or for a phone number or anything.  But – he kept following her around and flirting with her.  Insane? Not not insane, I guarantee he was married.  Why else would men do that????

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesday 3/13/13

A friend of mine emailed me the other night because she was communicating with a man from Plenty of Fish and it had progressed to the next stage.  She gave him her phone number and they began texting.  Then all of a sudden – POOF! Gone!  Sound familiar? – yes read my post “Mr. Dropped Off the Face of the Earth”.    My friend tried to find his profile again but it no longer existed.  Of course she thought “what did I do”? “Did he block me”?  NO NO NO!  So I assured her that she did not do anything wrong.  I think these men are married or something because it has happened to a number of women I know.  The worst part is you get excited this may be a potential prospect.  But instead, you are left bewildered by the experience and have wasted your time.

But….for those that are skeptical about online dating, I would say about 85% of the available profiles are legitimate.  Think about it though, at least with online dating when men behave badly you know right away he isn’t worth it.  Prior to online dating and the traditional way of finding a mate by being out somewhere – at bar – etc., you don’t have to figure out who is single and then weed through the pool.  Again – why do men do that?

Mr. Mixed Signals

I totally forgot about this guy.  Yeah I have had too many bad dates……   I met this guy on match.com.  He was my age, attractive, athletic, professional – my type all the way.   We emailed at first via match.com then progressed to texting and finally to actually talking on the phone.  What a concept!  Our conversation went very well and we decided to meet up that Sunday at a restaurant along a lake for coffee.  We confirmed that we would meet late morning at 11am.

I got to the restaurant a few minutes before hand and sat in the lobby waiting.  I kept waiting and waiting….. 10 minutes, 15, 20.   Finally after a ½ hour or so I call a friend and was like “holy crap – I just got stood up”.  She convinced me to take off.  Now looking back I probably should have texted but I was mortified at this point.   Around 2:00 I got a text from him saying he would be there in about 5 minutes.  I am like “what???”  So, I called him as said I was already there at 11.  He apologized profusely and was so sorry that he got the time wrong.  He asked  “can I make it up  – I will come near you” – he said that was the least he could do.   We originally were meeting halfway between our homes.  I figured I would give him the benefit of the doubt since men have poor listening skills. LOL  We met at a coffee shop and had a fabulous conversation.  Even the flirty, touchy feely brushes against the arm, etc.  I felt like we had a great connection.  I was meeting up with friends at 5:30 and I kept saying to him – are you sure you can stay.  He was like “I am in no rush”.  So we sat there for 3 hours.  As it was time to leave, he walked me to my car.  We hugged and I think he was going for a kiss but it ended up a peck on the cheek.  I hate those first awkward moments.   We talked about getting together again.

The next day, I sent him a quick text thanking him for coffee and that I enjoyed myself.  NOTHING, NADA, ZIP – no response at all.  Seriously?  Wow, he spends 3 hours with me and was doing the flirty thing and all.  I really misread those signals.   But I didn’t pursue because I didn’t want to be a stalker and clearly he was not interested.  I will say I was quite disappointed – I thought this had potential.  Interestingly enough – I saw him check out my profile about 6 months later.  Another one bites the dust!

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 2/13/13

Sometimes men act strangely and you cannot tell if they are being sincere or giving you a line. A few years back I had seen a guy I was very interested in on eharmony.com. I liked his profile and he was good looking too! My type all the way! So, I was very happy when this guy reached out to me first. We spoke a few times on the phone and met each other out at Starbucks. Our Starbucks encounter went well. We both had a lot to talk about – seemed to have a lot in common. Plus, I was very attracted to him. BONUS! After a couple hours we parted and continued to text and keep in touch.

The next date was movie night. I don’t typically like to go to the movies early in dating stage because how can you get to know each other if you are at a movie???? You can’t talk! So during the movie I am subtly making the moves. I rest my arm on the armchair between us, so our skin would brush. I got nothing – the entire time. He made no moves. Yes, you can say he was being a gentleman, but really – nothing at all? No accidentally brushing his arm against mine. Really? After the movie we grabbed dinner and then walked around a bit and had a great conversation. At the end of the night he hugged me. Unfortunately it was more like a big brother hug – not a “I find you attractive and I am interested in you” hug. So I figured that was the last I would see of him.

WRONG! He texted me the next couple days. He didn’t ask to get together. So the typical woman that I am – began to over analyze. Sound familiar? Then as the weekend approached, I got a text from him that he doesn’t think that he job was stable and he couldn’t see me anymore because he couldn’t afford to be with a successful woman as myself. Of course I responded with the normal pleasantries – So sorry, I understand, blah blah. I never gave the impression that I was high maintenance – which I am not. I do like nice things but the two dates we had were not lavish – very casual. I do feel bad if this guy had lost his job. But it just seems like such a bad line. He could have just come out and said that he didn’t think this was going to work out. Losing your job just seems a very elaborate excuse! As I said – strange……mixed messages with all the texting. Did I say I mention I hate this world of texting when it comes to dating?????

Marriage – is it still appealing?

At this stage in my life and all this online dating….I am not sure about getting married again.  Or if I do – not in a rush.  I think once I got to be in my 40’s with no prospects of an immediate relationship, I accepted the fact that children were not going to be a part of my life unless I become involved with a man who has them.  And honestly, I am okay with that.  Not sure I can deal with small children at this point since I have been without that responsibility for so long.  It is a tremendous amount of work and sacrifice.

That being said, I am quite content on just dating someone.  I do believe in a monogamous relationship, but don’t feel marriage is quite necessary.  If you asked me that just a few years ago, I would have never agreed.  I think the biggest deterrent is I enjoy my privacy.  The thought of sharing a bed and bathroom with a man again is just not that appealing!   When I say bed I mean for sleeping purposes! LOL   Seriously men are like heaters and I never got a good night’s sleep in any relationship I had.   Who snored, who was all over the place when he slept – who needs that?  And let’s not even talk about the bathroom.  The mess, the toilet seat up – no privacy! If I am in the bathroom and the door is shut DO NOT ENTER.  If the door is shut – do not even hang outside the door.  GO AWAY!

And it is great to have that quiet “me” time, especially at night when I am winding down before I go to bed.  I watch what TV programming I want to watch when I want to watch it.  I go to bed when I want to.  I don’t have to answer to anyone!  I don’t recommend not getting married, I think it depends where you are in life.

I actually feel quite exhilarated by this epiphany!  Just me and my dogs who provide me with unconditional love at all times!  As Martha would say “it’s a good thing”.

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 1/23/13

Hot and Cold?  Today’s topic is why men react like they are so into you one minute and then have no interest the next?  Their behavior is what makes us women crazy, paranoid and neurotic!   If you are not into me that is fine.  If you don’t think we have chemistry after a few dates…I get it.   At that point I have not made any emotional investment in the relationship so it’s fine.    But when you string it along for months at a time…..you are playing games and then you cannot expect anything less than psychotic behavior from us.

Women like to know where we stand in a relationship – albeit good or bad.  I like to play ping pong but don’t want my relationship to be a game of ping pong.  It’s the not knowing or thinking you like us one moment but then act like you don’t know us the next that makes us anxious and crazy.  Just be honest and man up!  Don’t make us do the dirty work and confront you.  Men – 99% of the time you only have yourself to blame if a women pulls the crazies on you!

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 1/16/13

Yes, we are all doing it – texting that is.  After you correspond back and forth a few times via the online dating sites, you are ready for the next step of physically talking on the phone to get to know each other better and then eventually meet up.  This seems like logical next steps right?  I don’t think my expectations are wrong here.   I am a bit old fashioned in that I like the man to call first.  I generally give my cell phone number when the time is right.   I cannot tell you how many times giving my phone number turns into a texting game.  Hello – weren’t we already doing this in email on the dating sites?   Seriously!   A few men actually sent a quick text asking if it was okay to call me later that night.  Perfectly acceptable and now I have his phone number so I will recognize the number when he calls.  However, the majority of the time it’s the texting game.  I don’t get it???  

Tip for you here men – if you want to go on a date you have to actually speak at some point.   And of course this makes me think that if they can’t call to chat for a bit then there is little hope that we would have good conversation when we meet.

I really think this is why so many relationships do not work out.  The art of conversation has been lost!

Mr. Kansas

I forgot about a first date I had, but something reminded me of this guy the other day.   So, it was one of the first times I was back out on the market.  I found this guy on eharmony.com.   This guy was not my type physically at all.  But he was very good looking.  He was about 6’6” – and let me remind you I am only 5’3”.  He had quite a few pictures of himself – super buff.   Actually, his pictures were a little intimidating.  Mr. Kansas was a big, muscular blonde guy from the Midwest.   Well….so I thought.

I made the biggest mistake and got all excited for this date.  I wore a great dress, sexy shoes….even co-workers complimented me as I seem to have a sparkle in my eye.  I met Mr. Kansas after work at a local restaurant that had a nice bar area.  One of my rules, meet someplace that has a bar and good food so you can eat if it is going well.

I walked in and there was Mr. Kansas.  He was certainly tall and in decent shape, but those pictures were clearly 10 years old.   I was so disappointed once again.   He looked nothing like his photos and had aged incredibly.  He was only a couple years older than me but felt like I was with my dad.  Plus, he reminded me of an older professor I had at the time, who is not very attractive, and I just couldn’t get that image out of my head.

Mr. Kansas was a super nice guy.  He was rather sweet.  This was his first time online dating in about 20 years so he was clueless.   We ended up ordering dinner and I actually gave him some dating advice.   We had a nice time but there was no spark and I think he wasn’t ready to date anyway.

Lesson to this story……DO NOT get excited for a first date.  DO NOT have high expectations.  If you take this advice, hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised instead of extremely disappointed.