Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 10/23/13

I have a friend, good guy, 43, and on the dating scene. He told me about this woman he went out with a few times but he is not into her and doesn’t know how to break off. Seriously?? Really? Love the guy, but you are 43 – just be honest and tell her you aren’t feeling a connection. At this stage in a relationship, if you have only been on a few dates, no one has made a huge investment. Yes, one person may be more disappointed than the other, but we are all adults here. Don’t play games! Don’t keep the woman wondering when you just stop calling. We need closure!!!! It’s that simple. Just tell us you don’t feel that “spark” or whatever it is. The worst thing a man can do is leave us hanging! Then we wonder what we did wrong. We get if you don’t feel the spark – happens to us as well. But just give us closure!!!!

I hope he followed my advice and did the right thing. And called her – no texting either. That is lame.

Geez – why do men do that?

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 7/17/13

Let me set up the story. My friend and her boyfriend mutually ended their relationship after a year. It was difficult as they enjoyed everything about each other. It was fun, romantic, intimate – nothing bad about the relationship at all. They were just at a point in their lives where he wanted a family and she already had one and didn’t want to start all over again. They both knew it was important to each of them and not something that either of them should compromise. They both decided it was best to end it even thought they still had such strong feelings for each other. Ending took a couple of months as I use to tease my friend about it. But I wasn’t in the relationship so everyone has to handle things their own way. Eventually, they both started to date again, although he would continue to text and call her. Talk about torturing himself. Also, let me note, I have nothing against this guy. I liked him.

So here is where I get frustrated. Both my friend and her ex are now dating other people. But, my friend continues to get texts and emails from the ex and he is definitely having emotional trauma over the break up. He has been very upset, he misses my friend and not sure he made the right decision. My friend has moved on and is happy in her new relationship. Her ex’s behavior has really made her think twice and has no interest in a relationship with him again. I know my friend wishes him no ill will – he is not a bad guy at all.

HOWEVER – he is dating someone and they have been dating exclusively for awhile. Why do men do this? The poor woman. She knows about my friend but I am sure she has no idea how traumatized he still is over her. As I said, I like my friend’s ex. I was sad to see them end the relationship. But this poor girl he is dating now is probably thinking this may lead to something long term. All I can think of is how this girl is going to get her heart broken.

I really think many men just can’t be alone. Clearly this new girl is not the one for him if he can’t get over my friend. And that is okay, but be honest with the new girlfriend – this is so not fair to her!

Why do men do that??????

Why Do Men Do that? Wednesday 6/12/13

I am amazed!  This is such a well written article about how there are no real men left!  And it’s written by Paul Hudson – yes that’s right A MAN!!  Seems like a real one at that.

I think Paul has gotten it right and explains why so many of us single ladies are going through such crap with dating which has led to us pouring out our souls on blogs!  Enjoy ladies and those that are “real” men!

Why Men Aren’t Real Men Anymore, by Paul Hudson

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 5/22/13

Direct quote from my friend who continues to have bad first dates!!!!

“I’m not sure which was the worst part of yesterday’s Match.com date.  Was it that he described his “studio apartment” as a 10″ x 12″ room in a Victorian house? Or was it his 1993 rusted filthy Toyota with paint peeling that he bragged was “completely paid off”.  Or was it that he told me he liked to use whipped cream during sex, and that he at times had sent pics of his penis to women who wrote him on Match.com? Or was it that the place I picked for our meeting place he considered way too upscale and said he didn’t go to those types of places.  or was it….hmmmmm….GAH.  This is why I am still single.”

Seriously??? What are these men thinking?  And the frustrating part is they put on such a good act in emails and initial conversations so you are duped into thinking they are NORMAL!

ARE THERE ANY GOOD MEN LEFT?

 

 

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 5/8/13

A friend of mine was at a major PGA golf tournement.  Loaded with men of course!  One would think this would be the perfect opportunity to meet a man right?   My friend is attractive and had plenty of men flirting with her over the course of the tournament.  One guy in particular was following her around and kept talking to her yet never made the next move.  My friend kept making comments where she liked to golf in the area, where she hung out – NOTHING!!!  She could not get this guy to offer up any information. 

This guy was also with a couple buddies and my friend was looking at them like “does this guy get it?”  Apparently his friends were also acknowledging that he didn’t have a clue.  So, this guy never asked my friend out or for a phone number or anything.  But – he kept following her around and flirting with her.  Insane? Not not insane, I guarantee he was married.  Why else would men do that????

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 3/27/13

I was reminded of another guy who contacted me through match.com.  I was interested as we seemed to have a lot in common and he was very attractive.  After the initial contact we emailed a few times and he was very straight forward.  He told me he was an open book – no games, no secrets and gave me his name and told me to check him out on Facebook.  I thought to myself “Wow” – is he serious?  I checked out his Facebook page of course, and he seemed totally legit.   Lot’s of family and friends photos – recent updates with friends commenting.   I felt comfortable and gave him my phone number.

We proceeded to talk by phone.  Had a great conversation the first night – lots in common and he was easy to talk to.  I remember he even came right out with questions on how I handle specific situations in relationships – break ups, disagreements, etc.   It was interesting because we kind of broke all the rules by talking about topics you would not normally discuss when first getting to know someone.  But….I thought it was refreshing and enjoyed his candor.   We talked a couple more times and he actually Facebook friended me.  I was okay with it – I didn’t feel there were any security risks.

The weekend approached and I suggested we meet up and he was excited.  Then this is where it got weird.  He and his brothers owned their own business and he was going to be working late but wanted to get together.  So I left the ball in his court and told him to call me later that evening.  POOF – another one – disappeared.  WTF????

Seriously, why are you wasting my time?  He was the one who initiated contact and was seeking me out.  Why would he want to friend me on Facebook?  Makes no sense.  By the next day, I was just irritated and didn’t want to look desperate so I didn’t bother contacting him again.   He was the one who agreed to meet up and I don’t think it was polite or respectful to not contact me so I think my non response was appropriate.  Again – Why Do Men Do That?

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesday 3/13/13

A friend of mine emailed me the other night because she was communicating with a man from Plenty of Fish and it had progressed to the next stage.  She gave him her phone number and they began texting.  Then all of a sudden – POOF! Gone!  Sound familiar? – yes read my post “Mr. Dropped Off the Face of the Earth”.    My friend tried to find his profile again but it no longer existed.  Of course she thought “what did I do”? “Did he block me”?  NO NO NO!  So I assured her that she did not do anything wrong.  I think these men are married or something because it has happened to a number of women I know.  The worst part is you get excited this may be a potential prospect.  But instead, you are left bewildered by the experience and have wasted your time.

But….for those that are skeptical about online dating, I would say about 85% of the available profiles are legitimate.  Think about it though, at least with online dating when men behave badly you know right away he isn’t worth it.  Prior to online dating and the traditional way of finding a mate by being out somewhere – at bar – etc., you don’t have to figure out who is single and then weed through the pool.  Again – why do men do that?

UPDATE – Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 2/27/13

If you already read this post – see the updates below!

Mr. Hawaii – Again! Yes this is the 3rd post on this man. This is a funny update.

My friend was on the site Plenty of Fish which allows users to instant message each other when you are on. My friend was checking her profile and kept getting an instant message from a guy. When she went to check his profile out she realized it was Mr. Hawaii. By the way, the instant message feature is very irritating. It continues to ping you constantly until you respond. So she responded to Mr. Hawaii that she was not interested but thank you. He responded back why not? and kept pressing my friend for a answer. She finally replied letting Mr. Hawaii know that he dated one of her friends. He asked who and she replied me. Mr. Hawaii respond “Oh yeah, she’s great”. Really? Whatever… Anyway, Mr. Hawaii responded “If you change your mind let me know”. Seriously? How does he not get dating my friend isn’t going to work. It would be different if we had only gone on a date or two, but it was a few months and then again in 3 months.  Talk about an idiot.  If my friend instantly recognized Mr. Hawaii she obviously knows details.

But we had a great laugh over it. You know Mr. Hawaii was like “WTF” to himself. LOL – it’s a small world in the online dating scene. So help me if I have to write a 4th post on him! Why do men do that?

Click below to read my other posts on Mr. Hawaii
Post 1, Post 2

UPDATE #1  As this posted, my friend mentioned above met a guy for drinks last night and saw Mr. Hawaii there. LOL  Mr. Hawaii was looking straight at her.  I am sure he was thinking “where do I know her”.  My friend’s date said Mr. Hawaii’s date was “ok ish”.  LOL Awesome.  What a small world considering the metro area I live in is about a couple million in population.   Too funny!

UPDATE #2  A few days after the above update, Mr. Hawaii emails my friend “Change your mind yet?”  Seriously???? My friend and I are laughing because now he looks soooo desperate.  She replies back “nope.”  Apparently that wasn’t enough.  Mr. Hawaii responds “Am I just not your type or is it because of your friend.”  Again, my friend and are just laughing because they guy won’t quit.  We both joked about how she could keep going with this for the entertainment value and contribution to this blog.  But, she responds “Both. No thanks on friend sharing and candidly you’re not my type. good luck.”  I guess he responded “LOL, Ok thanks.”  Not sure what was so LOL.  IT WAS LOL FOR US!!!!!

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 2/20/13

A friend recently went on a date and it reminded me of the stupid things men do. Two things:

1) All they do is talk about themselves and don’t ask you any questions. And then quite the opposite:

2) You ask questions to get to know them and they don’t offer up any information

I guess in all fairness women can do the same, but let’s focus on men. The Bigot was like that. He talked quite a bit of himself and was totally arrogant and anti everything I believed in. So in a way this was a good thing because I didn’t waste my time with another date!

Now let’s talk about the guy who doesn’t know how to speak. This is almost worse because the date drags. And when you are in your 40’s, if a man is that shy to talk forget it. Move on. Never going to work. Or, he is just BORING!

Add this to the list of rules – don’t bother dating a man who has either of these traits!

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 2/13/13

Sometimes men act strangely and you cannot tell if they are being sincere or giving you a line. A few years back I had seen a guy I was very interested in on eharmony.com. I liked his profile and he was good looking too! My type all the way! So, I was very happy when this guy reached out to me first. We spoke a few times on the phone and met each other out at Starbucks. Our Starbucks encounter went well. We both had a lot to talk about – seemed to have a lot in common. Plus, I was very attracted to him. BONUS! After a couple hours we parted and continued to text and keep in touch.

The next date was movie night. I don’t typically like to go to the movies early in dating stage because how can you get to know each other if you are at a movie???? You can’t talk! So during the movie I am subtly making the moves. I rest my arm on the armchair between us, so our skin would brush. I got nothing – the entire time. He made no moves. Yes, you can say he was being a gentleman, but really – nothing at all? No accidentally brushing his arm against mine. Really? After the movie we grabbed dinner and then walked around a bit and had a great conversation. At the end of the night he hugged me. Unfortunately it was more like a big brother hug – not a “I find you attractive and I am interested in you” hug. So I figured that was the last I would see of him.

WRONG! He texted me the next couple days. He didn’t ask to get together. So the typical woman that I am – began to over analyze. Sound familiar? Then as the weekend approached, I got a text from him that he doesn’t think that he job was stable and he couldn’t see me anymore because he couldn’t afford to be with a successful woman as myself. Of course I responded with the normal pleasantries – So sorry, I understand, blah blah. I never gave the impression that I was high maintenance – which I am not. I do like nice things but the two dates we had were not lavish – very casual. I do feel bad if this guy had lost his job. But it just seems like such a bad line. He could have just come out and said that he didn’t think this was going to work out. Losing your job just seems a very elaborate excuse! As I said – strange……mixed messages with all the texting. Did I say I mention I hate this world of texting when it comes to dating?????