Dating During The Holidays

So is it better to be alone at family gatherings during the holidays or bring a date? My experience tells me go alone! If your family is like most, it is stressful enough during the holidays and why drag an innocent and potential mate along. I think the rule of thumb is if you have been dating awhile and feel the relationship is going somewhere then it is okay to bring them along to meet the family. I find I don’t enjoy myself because I am worried my family will embarrass me and what they will think of my date. I know my family will be scrutinizing this guy and comparing him to other relationships in my life. Who needs that stress? Better yet, if the relationship doesn’t work out then at the next holiday gathering, the family is wondering what happened to your man. You can see the thoughts running through their heads….What happened to the last guy?” “Will she ever get married?” “Why can’t see stay in a relationship? The list goes on.

Every family is dysfunctional so why subject your new potential beau to the craziness? Keep this relationship under wraps for as long as you can until you think it may be long term! The best way to enjoy the holidays with your crazy family is alone!!!

Happy Holidays!

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 10/23/13

I have a friend, good guy, 43, and on the dating scene. He told me about this woman he went out with a few times but he is not into her and doesn’t know how to break off. Seriously?? Really? Love the guy, but you are 43 – just be honest and tell her you aren’t feeling a connection. At this stage in a relationship, if you have only been on a few dates, no one has made a huge investment. Yes, one person may be more disappointed than the other, but we are all adults here. Don’t play games! Don’t keep the woman wondering when you just stop calling. We need closure!!!! It’s that simple. Just tell us you don’t feel that “spark” or whatever it is. The worst thing a man can do is leave us hanging! Then we wonder what we did wrong. We get if you don’t feel the spark – happens to us as well. But just give us closure!!!!

I hope he followed my advice and did the right thing. And called her – no texting either. That is lame.

Geez – why do men do that?

Online Dating Tips after Divorce

I came across this blog on HuffingtonPost.com that shares 17 tips from readers on dating online after a divorce. I have given many of the same tips, regardless if you have just recently divorced or not. It’s a good read……

Online Dating After Divorce: 16 Tips To Make It Less Stressful

The Chase

As I write of my own tales of online dating and speaking with other women – we all seem to have very similar experiences.  Many of which come down to “The Chase.”  I am finding that women I talk with have many men pursuing them.  These men email, call and they seem to be having great conversations.  These men give all the indications and signs that they are interested.  However, where it seems to fail is when it comes to next steps.   Is this the big “a-ha” moment.  It’s no secret that men like the chase but when it comes down to it  women are the complete opposite.  This would be a great explanation to why both sexes have difficulties with online dating.

I know, not only from my personal experience but from other women as well, we can’t be bother wasting our time.  While we do like the beginning stages of the chase, at some point we are ready to see if this is going somewhere or not.  As in my post on The Yellow Cyclist, at some point I don’t want to talk to you anymore.  It’s time for a face to face.  I know what I want and what I am interested in and quite frankly I don’t have the patience to wait until men are done playing the chasing game.   Maybe this is wrong on my part, but the last thing I want to do is wait around for a guy to ask me out.  I have no desire for a guy to chat me up, act like he is all interested, get my hopes up that this may actually be a decent man and then he never closes the deal.   Plus, if a guy needs to play these chasing games can you imagine what a relationship would be like?  I can tell you exactly – you would never know where you stand.  He would call you and be all into you one day and then ignore you the next.  I’ve changed my mind – men that like to chase – continue to do so please!  We just ask you make it obvious this is your intention.  Then we won’t waste our time!

Thank you to thecynicalromantic85 for inspiring this post!

Why Do Men Do that? Wednesday 6/12/13

I am amazed!  This is such a well written article about how there are no real men left!  And it’s written by Paul Hudson – yes that’s right A MAN!!  Seems like a real one at that.

I think Paul has gotten it right and explains why so many of us single ladies are going through such crap with dating which has led to us pouring out our souls on blogs!  Enjoy ladies and those that are “real” men!

Why Men Aren’t Real Men Anymore, by Paul Hudson

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 3/27/13

I was reminded of another guy who contacted me through match.com.  I was interested as we seemed to have a lot in common and he was very attractive.  After the initial contact we emailed a few times and he was very straight forward.  He told me he was an open book – no games, no secrets and gave me his name and told me to check him out on Facebook.  I thought to myself “Wow” – is he serious?  I checked out his Facebook page of course, and he seemed totally legit.   Lot’s of family and friends photos – recent updates with friends commenting.   I felt comfortable and gave him my phone number.

We proceeded to talk by phone.  Had a great conversation the first night – lots in common and he was easy to talk to.  I remember he even came right out with questions on how I handle specific situations in relationships – break ups, disagreements, etc.   It was interesting because we kind of broke all the rules by talking about topics you would not normally discuss when first getting to know someone.  But….I thought it was refreshing and enjoyed his candor.   We talked a couple more times and he actually Facebook friended me.  I was okay with it – I didn’t feel there were any security risks.

The weekend approached and I suggested we meet up and he was excited.  Then this is where it got weird.  He and his brothers owned their own business and he was going to be working late but wanted to get together.  So I left the ball in his court and told him to call me later that evening.  POOF – another one – disappeared.  WTF????

Seriously, why are you wasting my time?  He was the one who initiated contact and was seeking me out.  Why would he want to friend me on Facebook?  Makes no sense.  By the next day, I was just irritated and didn’t want to look desperate so I didn’t bother contacting him again.   He was the one who agreed to meet up and I don’t think it was polite or respectful to not contact me so I think my non response was appropriate.  Again – Why Do Men Do That?

Mr. Scam

Beware, Online Dating Scams

I came across an article on CNN.com about a woman who was scammed and lost $1500. It still amazes me that women/men fall for this, so I wanted to share an experience I had and immediately knew it was a man trying to scam me. Here’s my experience:

I saw an attractive man on match.com and sent him a quick email. Although I think he was too attractive to be real – looked like Patrick Dempsey and only had one picture. You know my rules! 🙂 I sent a quick email and referenced a few things that I thought we may have in common. He lived in the same town I worked in so I mentioned a few common areas. He responds back that he joined match.com because of me and proceeded to give me his name, Jerry Smith, and phone number and then asks me questions that I already answered in my first email to him. This didn’t seem legit to me. I did an online search on him, but try and really do a search when someone has the last name Smith – forget it! I even looked up his phone number and nothing! The next tip off was his profile simply vanished. Between “Jerry” giving me his name and phone number and his email looked like a form letter – I said forget it. This is a scam. I never bothered to respond. My tips for not getting scammed through online dating:

1. Stay anonymous – first name only
2. If you switch to personal emails, create an email that does not include your last name and keep in a separate account
3. If you get to the stage where you plan on talking on the phone, do not give a land line phone number. Most cell phone numbers are not traceable or get a free number through Google. You can choose a different area code from where you reside
4. If this progresses to a first date, meet at a local coffee spot like Starbucks. Make sure it is in a public place and tell a few friends that you are going. Make sure you check in with your friends afterwards so they know you are safe. Park in a public area so if your date walks you to the car, there are witnesses
5. Be smart, do not give out personal information

Read this woman’s story so you know the warning signs. If you think a potential date acts strange and something isn’t quite right – go with your instincts. It is probably something fishy and potentially a scam. BE SMART and don’t let your emotion cloud your judgment.