Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 10/23/13

I have a friend, good guy, 43, and on the dating scene. He told me about this woman he went out with a few times but he is not into her and doesn’t know how to break off. Seriously?? Really? Love the guy, but you are 43 – just be honest and tell her you aren’t feeling a connection. At this stage in a relationship, if you have only been on a few dates, no one has made a huge investment. Yes, one person may be more disappointed than the other, but we are all adults here. Don’t play games! Don’t keep the woman wondering when you just stop calling. We need closure!!!! It’s that simple. Just tell us you don’t feel that “spark” or whatever it is. The worst thing a man can do is leave us hanging! Then we wonder what we did wrong. We get if you don’t feel the spark – happens to us as well. But just give us closure!!!!

I hope he followed my advice and did the right thing. And called her – no texting either. That is lame.

Geez – why do men do that?

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 7/17/13

Let me set up the story. My friend and her boyfriend mutually ended their relationship after a year. It was difficult as they enjoyed everything about each other. It was fun, romantic, intimate – nothing bad about the relationship at all. They were just at a point in their lives where he wanted a family and she already had one and didn’t want to start all over again. They both knew it was important to each of them and not something that either of them should compromise. They both decided it was best to end it even thought they still had such strong feelings for each other. Ending took a couple of months as I use to tease my friend about it. But I wasn’t in the relationship so everyone has to handle things their own way. Eventually, they both started to date again, although he would continue to text and call her. Talk about torturing himself. Also, let me note, I have nothing against this guy. I liked him.

So here is where I get frustrated. Both my friend and her ex are now dating other people. But, my friend continues to get texts and emails from the ex and he is definitely having emotional trauma over the break up. He has been very upset, he misses my friend and not sure he made the right decision. My friend has moved on and is happy in her new relationship. Her ex’s behavior has really made her think twice and has no interest in a relationship with him again. I know my friend wishes him no ill will – he is not a bad guy at all.

HOWEVER – he is dating someone and they have been dating exclusively for awhile. Why do men do this? The poor woman. She knows about my friend but I am sure she has no idea how traumatized he still is over her. As I said, I like my friend’s ex. I was sad to see them end the relationship. But this poor girl he is dating now is probably thinking this may lead to something long term. All I can think of is how this girl is going to get her heart broken.

I really think many men just can’t be alone. Clearly this new girl is not the one for him if he can’t get over my friend. And that is okay, but be honest with the new girlfriend – this is so not fair to her!

Why do men do that??????

Real Men Talk, They Don’t Text!

I have written about this in a number of my blogs. I don’t understand how men don’t get that they actually need to talk if they want a relationship to go anywhere and that means even just meeting for the first time. Sooooo frustrating.

This is a great article by Roxanne Jones, Special to CNN. Enjoy!

Real men talk, they don’t text

The Chase

As I write of my own tales of online dating and speaking with other women – we all seem to have very similar experiences.  Many of which come down to “The Chase.”  I am finding that women I talk with have many men pursuing them.  These men email, call and they seem to be having great conversations.  These men give all the indications and signs that they are interested.  However, where it seems to fail is when it comes to next steps.   Is this the big “a-ha” moment.  It’s no secret that men like the chase but when it comes down to it  women are the complete opposite.  This would be a great explanation to why both sexes have difficulties with online dating.

I know, not only from my personal experience but from other women as well, we can’t be bother wasting our time.  While we do like the beginning stages of the chase, at some point we are ready to see if this is going somewhere or not.  As in my post on The Yellow Cyclist, at some point I don’t want to talk to you anymore.  It’s time for a face to face.  I know what I want and what I am interested in and quite frankly I don’t have the patience to wait until men are done playing the chasing game.   Maybe this is wrong on my part, but the last thing I want to do is wait around for a guy to ask me out.  I have no desire for a guy to chat me up, act like he is all interested, get my hopes up that this may actually be a decent man and then he never closes the deal.   Plus, if a guy needs to play these chasing games can you imagine what a relationship would be like?  I can tell you exactly – you would never know where you stand.  He would call you and be all into you one day and then ignore you the next.  I’ve changed my mind – men that like to chase – continue to do so please!  We just ask you make it obvious this is your intention.  Then we won’t waste our time!

Thank you to thecynicalromantic85 for inspiring this post!

Why Do Men Do that? Wednesday 6/12/13

I am amazed!  This is such a well written article about how there are no real men left!  And it’s written by Paul Hudson – yes that’s right A MAN!!  Seems like a real one at that.

I think Paul has gotten it right and explains why so many of us single ladies are going through such crap with dating which has led to us pouring out our souls on blogs!  Enjoy ladies and those that are “real” men!

Why Men Aren’t Real Men Anymore, by Paul Hudson

The Chiropractor

My good friend has the best intentions on trying to find a good man for me.  I really applaud her efforts.  The last guy (and I think she has given up now) she tried to connect me with was her chiropractor.  She thought we would get along well.  He had a video of himself on his site and I thought “not bad”, “good career”, “it doesn’t hurt to meet up”.  My friend gave him my phone number to call me.

The chiropractor called me one night.  We talked for almost an hour.  Great conversation.  We had a lot in common.  He was very easy to talk with.   At one point, my age comes up and we discover he is a year older than me.  SILENCE……..  I am not joking here.  He practically hung up on me.  That was it.  He was like nice talking to you and bye bye.   SERIOUSLY? How bad is that?????

You guessed it – never heard from him again.  I assume he wanted some young thing that would be a baby making machine.  Amazing huh? His loss!

 

Mr. Pees A lot

Since I have had a recent lack luster dating life, I thought I would continue to share some crazy tales of my friends dating adventures.  Plus it’s reassuring that I am not the only that seems to encounter these maladjusted men who have no business pursuing women!

My friend lives in Queens, NY and met a guy from Long Island.  He seemed to have a good career and be financially stable.  Leading up to their first date they texted and talked to each other a lot.  Their first date was meeting up for drinks (yeah, she is following my dating rules!).  They both were enjoying themselves at drinks, the touchy-feely flirting like they had knew each other for a long time – very comfortable.  They decided to continue with the date and had dinner. He also brought her a box of chocolates.  How sweet!   Dinner was great and they both seemed very much attracted to each other.  He even called to let her know he got home okay.

The next week was that blissful time when two people just meet and really like each other.  They were texting each other several times a day.  He was calling her and complimenting her continuously.  So they planned another outing for Sunday.  The plan was to go out to Wineries on Long Island, spend the day together and then go back to his place for a BBQ.  Very romantic……or so she thought.  Not so much….

After he picks her up, he realizes he has to pee so they stop at his house.  Apparently his house has some construction going on and it was a mess.  Just odd that you wouldn’t clean up if you are bringing a woman over.  Just saying……  The drive was going well but then he didn’t know how to use his GPS and they were passing wineries but he wasn’t stopping.  It was a long drive, so my friends was like “let’s stop at one of the places we just passed.”   He ends up getting lost and see an upcoming winery so they stop and have a glass and then he wants to take off right away.  So my friend is thinking okay – another winery.  Right?  That is the logical thing.  If you make the drive all the way out there you usually stop at a few  No, he wants to go back to his place.  But….he has to pee again so he stops on the side of the road to go.  Nice…..

He turns on the Knicks game in the car, my friend isn’t a big fan and they go to his house.  He cooks hot dogs and hamburgers. Yippee!!!   And his kitchen is under renovation so everything is a mess.  So romantic!  Then he turns on Golf.  So at this point my friend is like I’m tired and asked him to take her home.  On the way back she got downgraded from the Mercedes to the Hundayi.

After driving in silence for awhile, my friends asks if something happen or did she misunderstand?  He was said it was obvious they had no chemistry.  My friend is thinking where did this nice guy who got my chocolates and was flirting with me on my first date and texting and talking to all week go?  Is he bipolar?  This guy did a total 180.  He gave my friend all the right signals.

How are we suppose to figure these guys out?   And what’s with all the peeing?

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 5/8/13

A friend of mine was at a major PGA golf tournement.  Loaded with men of course!  One would think this would be the perfect opportunity to meet a man right?   My friend is attractive and had plenty of men flirting with her over the course of the tournament.  One guy in particular was following her around and kept talking to her yet never made the next move.  My friend kept making comments where she liked to golf in the area, where she hung out – NOTHING!!!  She could not get this guy to offer up any information. 

This guy was also with a couple buddies and my friend was looking at them like “does this guy get it?”  Apparently his friends were also acknowledging that he didn’t have a clue.  So, this guy never asked my friend out or for a phone number or anything.  But – he kept following her around and flirting with her.  Insane? Not not insane, I guarantee he was married.  Why else would men do that????

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 3/27/13

I was reminded of another guy who contacted me through match.com.  I was interested as we seemed to have a lot in common and he was very attractive.  After the initial contact we emailed a few times and he was very straight forward.  He told me he was an open book – no games, no secrets and gave me his name and told me to check him out on Facebook.  I thought to myself “Wow” – is he serious?  I checked out his Facebook page of course, and he seemed totally legit.   Lot’s of family and friends photos – recent updates with friends commenting.   I felt comfortable and gave him my phone number.

We proceeded to talk by phone.  Had a great conversation the first night – lots in common and he was easy to talk to.  I remember he even came right out with questions on how I handle specific situations in relationships – break ups, disagreements, etc.   It was interesting because we kind of broke all the rules by talking about topics you would not normally discuss when first getting to know someone.  But….I thought it was refreshing and enjoyed his candor.   We talked a couple more times and he actually Facebook friended me.  I was okay with it – I didn’t feel there were any security risks.

The weekend approached and I suggested we meet up and he was excited.  Then this is where it got weird.  He and his brothers owned their own business and he was going to be working late but wanted to get together.  So I left the ball in his court and told him to call me later that evening.  POOF – another one – disappeared.  WTF????

Seriously, why are you wasting my time?  He was the one who initiated contact and was seeking me out.  Why would he want to friend me on Facebook?  Makes no sense.  By the next day, I was just irritated and didn’t want to look desperate so I didn’t bother contacting him again.   He was the one who agreed to meet up and I don’t think it was polite or respectful to not contact me so I think my non response was appropriate.  Again – Why Do Men Do That?

Mr. Mixed Signals

I totally forgot about this guy.  Yeah I have had too many bad dates……   I met this guy on match.com.  He was my age, attractive, athletic, professional – my type all the way.   We emailed at first via match.com then progressed to texting and finally to actually talking on the phone.  What a concept!  Our conversation went very well and we decided to meet up that Sunday at a restaurant along a lake for coffee.  We confirmed that we would meet late morning at 11am.

I got to the restaurant a few minutes before hand and sat in the lobby waiting.  I kept waiting and waiting….. 10 minutes, 15, 20.   Finally after a ½ hour or so I call a friend and was like “holy crap – I just got stood up”.  She convinced me to take off.  Now looking back I probably should have texted but I was mortified at this point.   Around 2:00 I got a text from him saying he would be there in about 5 minutes.  I am like “what???”  So, I called him as said I was already there at 11.  He apologized profusely and was so sorry that he got the time wrong.  He asked  “can I make it up  – I will come near you” – he said that was the least he could do.   We originally were meeting halfway between our homes.  I figured I would give him the benefit of the doubt since men have poor listening skills. LOL  We met at a coffee shop and had a fabulous conversation.  Even the flirty, touchy feely brushes against the arm, etc.  I felt like we had a great connection.  I was meeting up with friends at 5:30 and I kept saying to him – are you sure you can stay.  He was like “I am in no rush”.  So we sat there for 3 hours.  As it was time to leave, he walked me to my car.  We hugged and I think he was going for a kiss but it ended up a peck on the cheek.  I hate those first awkward moments.   We talked about getting together again.

The next day, I sent him a quick text thanking him for coffee and that I enjoyed myself.  NOTHING, NADA, ZIP – no response at all.  Seriously?  Wow, he spends 3 hours with me and was doing the flirty thing and all.  I really misread those signals.   But I didn’t pursue because I didn’t want to be a stalker and clearly he was not interested.  I will say I was quite disappointed – I thought this had potential.  Interestingly enough – I saw him check out my profile about 6 months later.  Another one bites the dust!