Dating During The Holidays

So is it better to be alone at family gatherings during the holidays or bring a date? My experience tells me go alone! If your family is like most, it is stressful enough during the holidays and why drag an innocent and potential mate along. I think the rule of thumb is if you have been dating awhile and feel the relationship is going somewhere then it is okay to bring them along to meet the family. I find I don’t enjoy myself because I am worried my family will embarrass me and what they will think of my date. I know my family will be scrutinizing this guy and comparing him to other relationships in my life. Who needs that stress? Better yet, if the relationship doesn’t work out then at the next holiday gathering, the family is wondering what happened to your man. You can see the thoughts running through their heads….What happened to the last guy?” “Will she ever get married?” “Why can’t see stay in a relationship? The list goes on.

Every family is dysfunctional so why subject your new potential beau to the craziness? Keep this relationship under wraps for as long as you can until you think it may be long term! The best way to enjoy the holidays with your crazy family is alone!!!

Happy Holidays!

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 10/23/13

I have a friend, good guy, 43, and on the dating scene. He told me about this woman he went out with a few times but he is not into her and doesn’t know how to break off. Seriously?? Really? Love the guy, but you are 43 – just be honest and tell her you aren’t feeling a connection. At this stage in a relationship, if you have only been on a few dates, no one has made a huge investment. Yes, one person may be more disappointed than the other, but we are all adults here. Don’t play games! Don’t keep the woman wondering when you just stop calling. We need closure!!!! It’s that simple. Just tell us you don’t feel that “spark” or whatever it is. The worst thing a man can do is leave us hanging! Then we wonder what we did wrong. We get if you don’t feel the spark – happens to us as well. But just give us closure!!!!

I hope he followed my advice and did the right thing. And called her – no texting either. That is lame.

Geez – why do men do that?

Who should pay on the first date?

This is an interesting debate because as women, we want to be treated equally, however we still want a man to be chivalrous. I must say I have never been on a first date where I paid for drinks/dinner. I always offer to help pay, but the guy has never let me. After a few dates I will pick up the tab. I think it is appropriate. I have had debates on this with some friends. My personal feeling is if you are really interested in a man and think it has potential, you should pay for dinner after a few dates to show the man that you are appreciative of all the other meals he has paid for. Plus, if you want this relationship to be equal then I think it’s only fair to share some of the financial costs as well. I always found the majority of the time the man will pay for things, and in my own experience the guy has been appreciative when I chip in as well.

Here is an interesting article by Olivia B. Waxman I found on Time.com, that shares insights on a survey conducted with men and women on this very topic:

Study: Men Want Women to Chip In on Dates, but Are Afraid to Ask

Lost in translation

reblogged from THECYNICALROMANTIC85

I often hear men and women complaining about not being able to understand the opposite sex. Yes, our genitals are different and there is a gap in wages but that’s not the reason for our lack of understanding. Gender is to blame. We associate certain behavioral attributes with masculinity and femininity and as a result we are taught that men and women are extremely different. If things are different, there is no common ground so things get lost in translation.

Women and men are both complex creatures so in order to break down the barrier try to walk a mile in other’s shoes. Strip away the facade rolled in pride and bravado so you can get to know each other better.

Online Dating Tips after Divorce

I came across this blog on HuffingtonPost.com that shares 17 tips from readers on dating online after a divorce. I have given many of the same tips, regardless if you have just recently divorced or not. It’s a good read……

Online Dating After Divorce: 16 Tips To Make It Less Stressful

Tips For Beginners

A good friend was in a very long relationship that ended about 3 years ago. She is finally starting to get out there and approach dating. She joined eharmony.com but hasn’t quite pulled the trigger yet. We were all out for her birthday recently and told her she just needs to go for it. She needs to get into the mindset that nothing is probably going to come out of the first few dates. We told her after all these years she needs to get a couple dates under her belt and not have high expectations. So here are a few of my tips and I hope she reads this!

1. Contact or respond to someone on dating sites that you have a pretty good interest level in
2. Don’t wait for the perfect profile – not going to happen
3. Chat through email a few times
4. If you feel like there is a connection and would like to see this turn into a date, give the guy your cell number (this is not listed and he cannot find where you live)
5. Have a separate private email that doesn’t include your last name if the guy wants to email off the dating site
6. Once you have given your phone number, he will probably text you first. That is fine, but make sure it progresses to an actual phone call soon after. If he just texts all the time forget it move on
7. If there is a connection you should have a fairly long call getting to know each other
8. Hopefully if the call is going well he asks to meet up. Plan a destination that is public and allows for an easy escape in case there is no spark and you are not interested. For example, go for coffee or meet for a drink. DO NOT plan dinner – then you are stuck. However, if you meet for something casual and it’s going well you can then move on to dinner
9. Safety ladies! Make sure a friend knows your plan and you check in so she knows you haven’t just met up with some serial killer!
10. Try and have fun

Online dating is very much a numbers game. You are going to date a lot of men who you won’t be interested in until you find Mr. Potential. It is what it is. My best advice is set expectations low and then hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised.

Advice for my friend: JUST GO FOR IT ALREADY! YOU ARE KILLING US!

Marry A Man Who Loves You More

What?? Let me explain. I am reading Very Valentine: A Novel by Adriana Trigiani – one of my favorite authors. An excerpt in the book reads:

“Mom, how do you know if the guy is the guy?”
“You mean if he’ll make a good husband?” She pauses, then says, “The ticket is for the man to love the woman more than she loves him.”
“Shouldn’t it be equal?”
Mom cackles. “It can never be equal.”
“But what if the woman loves the man more?”
“A life of hell awaits her. As women, the deck is stacked against us because time is our enemy. We age, while men season. And trust me, there are plenty of women out there looking for a man, and they don’t mind staking a claim on somebody else’s husband, no matter how old, creaky and deaf they are.”

I just laughed out loud when I read this because my mom has continually told me the same thing – stick with someone who loves you more. Even though I am the hopeless romantic, I think there is some truth to this. Just read my posts on past relationships – I was in love more and gave too much. Where has that led me – to not being appreciated until it was too late.

Take it for what it is – but could this be the golden rule for a happy relationship with a man???

Credit Check Please!

I came across an article on CNNMoney.com by Blake Ellis, Bad credit: A deal breaker for many singles, about men and women asking for credit scores when dating. Seriously? I would say that the majority of us want to be with a partner who is fiscally responsible, but I am surprised at the stats of this survey:

“21% bringing it up before committing to a relationship and 19% comparing scores before moving in together. A mere 1% discussed their scores on a first date”

Granted, people can seem like they are well off but really up to their eye balls in debt, but how do you possibly approach this early in the dating stage without completely offending your potential relationship? Me, personally, would feel this person is way too into material things and just looking for a sugar momma (or daddy). One would hope you could tell if there was an issue financially with your potential suitor. I know this is not always the case, but unless you decide this is the “one” and you are going to spend the rest of your lives together, not sure you can approach this subject directly so early on. Talk about ruining potential chemistry and all the romance out of a relationship! Just my opinion…. Talk about a new meaning to “can I have your digits?”

Enjoy the article: Bad Credit: A deal breaker for many singles

Why Do Men Do That? Wednesdays 7/17/13

Let me set up the story. My friend and her boyfriend mutually ended their relationship after a year. It was difficult as they enjoyed everything about each other. It was fun, romantic, intimate – nothing bad about the relationship at all. They were just at a point in their lives where he wanted a family and she already had one and didn’t want to start all over again. They both knew it was important to each of them and not something that either of them should compromise. They both decided it was best to end it even thought they still had such strong feelings for each other. Ending took a couple of months as I use to tease my friend about it. But I wasn’t in the relationship so everyone has to handle things their own way. Eventually, they both started to date again, although he would continue to text and call her. Talk about torturing himself. Also, let me note, I have nothing against this guy. I liked him.

So here is where I get frustrated. Both my friend and her ex are now dating other people. But, my friend continues to get texts and emails from the ex and he is definitely having emotional trauma over the break up. He has been very upset, he misses my friend and not sure he made the right decision. My friend has moved on and is happy in her new relationship. Her ex’s behavior has really made her think twice and has no interest in a relationship with him again. I know my friend wishes him no ill will – he is not a bad guy at all.

HOWEVER – he is dating someone and they have been dating exclusively for awhile. Why do men do this? The poor woman. She knows about my friend but I am sure she has no idea how traumatized he still is over her. As I said, I like my friend’s ex. I was sad to see them end the relationship. But this poor girl he is dating now is probably thinking this may lead to something long term. All I can think of is how this girl is going to get her heart broken.

I really think many men just can’t be alone. Clearly this new girl is not the one for him if he can’t get over my friend. And that is okay, but be honest with the new girlfriend – this is so not fair to her!

Why do men do that??????

Real Men Talk, They Don’t Text!

I have written about this in a number of my blogs. I don’t understand how men don’t get that they actually need to talk if they want a relationship to go anywhere and that means even just meeting for the first time. Sooooo frustrating.

This is a great article by Roxanne Jones, Special to CNN. Enjoy!

Real men talk, they don’t text